X-Men Origins: Wolverine

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009, 20th Century Fox)
Review

In spite of the infamous leaked workprint, X-Men Origins: Wolverine has already out-grossed its hefty $150 million budget four days after its theatrical release. The question is: Why?
[Disclaimer: I have not seen nor do I have a copy of the workprint. I do not know anyone who has seen or has a copy of the workprint. Film piracy is illegal. Do not ask me how to obtain a copy of the workprint.]

That being said, I did see a few moments of the leaked version on a stranger's laptop while I was out of town, 2000 miles from my state of residence. And let me tell you, if you really, really liked the unfinished, pirated version; you should go see this film in the theatre just for the scene where Cyclops slices his school in half with his eye beams. The workprint features a thin red line that doesn't appear to even damage anything. In the theatrical release (which is the only thing I will be talking about for the remainder of this review) it looks some kind of sweet nasty.

Okay, so, what else was good about this film...? The relationship between Wolverine (Hugh Jackman) and his half-brother, Sabertooth (Liev Schreiber)--although I don't recall him ever being referred to as anything except Victor in the film--is intriguing. They share a respect for the other's abilities and a desire to kill one another. Classic. Some of the dialogue between Wolverine and the more minor characters is well-written and down-right good ol' fashioned fun. Yeah, and some of the fights are more than just plain bitchin': they are turbo-bitchin'.

On to all the many problems with this latest superhero action blockbuster. Lets begin in an unexpected place...special effects. Wait, WHAAAT??? Yep. Of course, most of the movie looks amazing. (When I use my imagination, I can't picture a crazy, hairy mutant dude ripping up a military vehicle with giant metal claws looking any better than the way it looked in Wolverine.) Unfortunately, there are times when the CGI looks shotty. The most noticeable of these occurs when our hero is admiring his new adamantium claws in a farmer's bathroom. They just look uber-fake, there's no better way to describe it. By the way, he does thrash the unsuspecting bathroom into porcelain shards, completely by accident, in case you were wondering.

Wolverine, AKA Logan, had been invited in for some supper and free clothes (he was streaking by this nice old man's barn after his adamantium infusion procedure left him with his pants down) when the above incident occurred. What repercussions does Logan suffer for trashing a perfectly good john? A free night's stay in the barn, the farmer's son's leather jacket, and even breakfast-in-barn courtesy of the charming woman of the house. I, personally, would have thrown the asshole out. But that's just me.

There are a whole bunch of random-ass mutants in this movie that marvel buffs may or may not get a kick out of. Gambit should have been in it more than he was, and he definitely should have killed tons of people with flying pink-glowing playing cards. Oh well, maybe he will show up some more in future sequels and/or prequels to the X-Men franchise.

This movie has it moments but sometimes it's cheesy in an unhealthy sort of way--like, you feel like you might get swine flu from it. I can't give it a thumbs down and I certainly can't give it a thumbs up--not that I would anyway, 'cause I don't want Ebert to come o'er to my house and bite me for stealing his movie quality gauge. So, X-Men Origins: Wolverine is not good, not bad, but it is certainly very blah and bona fide meh.

Need to make some time to get back in the theatre,