Star Trek

Star Trek (2009, Paramount/Spyglass/Bad Robot)
Review

It's no secret that Star Trek is one of the most successful franchises in the history of entertainment: one that spans television, film, various forms of print media, toys, collectibles, conventions, video games, and The FSM knows what else. Any fan can take enjoyment and participate in the countless websites of all kinds built out of a staggering amount of content strewed all across the Internet. Socially well-adjusted people and basement-dwelling geeks (who see the light of day only in the direst of emergencies) have adored Star Trek in its various forms for decades. The release of this film will undoubtedly qualify as one such emergency. Believe it.

Star Trek is not good: it is fucking fantastic. This eleventh feature film in the series has something for everyone but my guess is that you will like the whole thing. The movie is epic, suspenseful, thought provoking, and funny. The characters are witty, innovative, cool under pressure, and true to their counterparts from the original series--one could argue that Spock (Zachary Quinto) isn't at times but it does not weigh down the film whatsoever.

Kirk (Chris Pine) is good ol' Kirk. Confident, resolute, and charmingly cocky as he meets up with his crew; Spock, Bones (Karl Urban), Uhura (Zoe Saldana), Sulu (John Cho), Chekov (Anton Yelchin) all pretty early in the film and Scotty (Simon Pegg) a bit later. Pine does a fine job of exhibiting these attributes of Kirk's persona as the story takes us from his childhood to his rise through Star Fleet Academy. Plus, he's plowing a hot green chick (implied only, no actual plowing), it doesn't get any better than that!

We also get a nice bit of back story on Spock, who seems to possess more emotion than the Nimoy Spock with whom we should all be familiar. This is not a bad thing as the events, some cataclysmic, related to him more than justify this in my opinion. Quinto puts forth a decent portrayal of the beloved half-vulcan/half-human officer. If you prefer classic Leonard Nimoy, you are in luck because, thanks to some time travel, he has a pretty sizable role as really old Spock from the future. And, yes, as anyone who is familiar with the Star Trek universe knows, you can just throw time travel into an episode or motion picture without causing any problems. But that's not what the filmmakers did, they used it to their advantage, very well in fact. More on this later.

The nods to the original are not imposing. They are just plentiful enough and are done to seeming perfection. I don't even want to spoil the old chestnuts that are dusted off in the dialogue of this great prequel. I can tell you that these moments were met by genuinely gleeful laughter by the whole audience, trekkies and non-trekkies (ordinaries?) alike--I know because I brought one with me. This is not the only humor in Star Trek: one such example occurs when Bones must repeatedly administer injections to Kirk's neck in a scheme concocted by the good doctor to get Kirk aboard the Enterprise in spite of him being suspended from duty.

The crew must think and act quickly and selflessly in order to avoid Earth's destruction at the hands of Nero, the most disgruntled, time-traveling Romulan ever (Eric Bana). They also need to get down and dirty in some melee combat, from which this film has finally removed the cheese factor that has been present in the franchise since the '60s. Couple some good fights with some marvelous action sequences, plus everything I've already mentioned...sounds pretty good, eh?

The visual effects are way over the top. I mean this film is a whole lotta gorgeous. One scene features a creature that looks like a cross between a T-Rex and a snow crab. Not only it is scary looking with its mouth shut, but the CGI drool was so realistic, that it made me wish I was wearing a raincoat in case some gobs of stringy alien spittle came cascading through the screen. The landscapes are crisply imaginative. The digital ships are clean as hell. Nero has the coolest ride, it definitely took plenty of time and cash to program this baby. Money well spent. And it is also worth noting that the transporter animation looks way different, I am not going to say it's better than the classic sparkly speckles...but it does give you the impression that molecules are being disarranged and rearranged...and that's what a transporter does, duh!

The score isn't bad but it also doesn't stick out in my mind all that much as being excellent. If I go back and listen to the soundtrack and find that it's only average, I am not going to bust the film's balls over it. The sound effects are very cool. If you want to experience this film with megafilthy picture and sound quality, there's something you should know (you probably already do)...

This film is showing on IMAX screens (normal cinemas too, don't worry). Do yourself a favor and see it on the big big big screen if it is available in your area. C'mon you cheap bastard, it's only an extra couple bucks! I already told you that you won't be disappointed!

Finally, I have to give major big-ups to the greedy fucks at Paramount, the associated studios, director J. J. Abrams, and the screenwriters. They have successfully and brilliantly used the aforementioned time travel to change the Star Trek universe, as well as the lives of Kirk and Spock, enough that they can rewrite the whole damn series if they so desire. Everything. From the events of the original TV show to Generations and beyond into the realm of the many spin-offs. See, this movie is not really a prequel to the Star Trek fans are familiar with as much as it is a first chapter of an alternate reality where numerous sequels are possible, probable (one is already in the works), and immune to conflicts with the existing canon. Holy flaming shit on wheels, I can't wait.

Wow,